The Need For Speed...and more
Wednesday 29th August 2007

"I feel the need. The need for speed." Do you remember the film "Top Gun"? A classic from the mid-80s (1986) about hotshot fighter pilots in training. There was Maverick, Goose, Iceman and others. Was there actually a storyline?? Who cares, the footage of mid-air dogfights was breathtaking.

I saw this film while on a athletics camp during school holidays with a bunch of other 15-17 year old boys and our macho athletics coach, who we were sure could/would leap tall buildings. He certainly looked capable of it. From the front row of the cinema it was all larger than life (literally), but it certainly had the desired effect of motivating us to think and believe that we could run, jump and throw faster and further than we ever dreamed. We were living the moment...and we had a need for speed.

Back in those days triathlons were a novelty and in doing a couple during summer school holidays, I just knew that I'd end up doing them later in life. They were a possible impossibility...just the type of challenge my young body - and mind - wanted. In the meantime, at school, it was all about running middle to long distances as fast as we could.

But, alas, it was also during this time I first hard lessons in humility, that sometimes no matter how hard I would train, prepare and try there were always others who were better than me. Whether it was football, tennis, running or whatever, I was never the best. Sometimes in a small pond I'd be close to being a big fish, but even then I knew there was a whole ocean where I would really learn how far off the pace I was. However, this never, ever deterred me. To the contrary, my burning desire was to try and try and try to do the best that my body could manage, to see just how my very best effort, will and desire would compare. Sometimes this has produced a pretty good result - even by my tough standards - but still I knew there are always bigger fish than me out there...

So at school I ran kind of fast, but not fast enough to represent the school at the big, annual inter school athletics carnival. OK runner but not good enough. Finishing school couldn't come quickly enough, and freedom to try triathlons. I thought maybe triathlons might be where I can fulfil an obsessive desire to...to...to be the best. And in the small triathlon pond of the late-80s that was all the incentive I needed. Perhaps an OK runner can be a good triathlete. There's only one way to find out.

History has a way of repeating itself, so once again, close but not cigar. As a late teenager, the effort of trying, lack of perspective...basically an obsession...had quite a cost in many ways. And lasting effects. But I consoled myself with the self-supporting and comforting knowledge that I didn't know anyone who was trying as hard as me. Oh, if only I knew then what I know now...

Wind the clock forwards 21 years and much has changed, but there is still much the same. It's nearly 23 years since I did my first triathlon and that possible impossibility has come to fruition in lots of ways. There's still training, events, races and performances. But fulfilment comes in different ways these days. The journey is endless and now is but a point along the road.

And now, once again, I have a need for speed. Three years banging my head against the Ironman wall - plus advancing age - has pounded the zip and spark out of my legs. Now I want it back. I want to feel the purity of running fast...well, my kind of fast. I still want to know where I swim in the ocean, but moreso just the challenge of it is what I savour and value these days.

Recently I've been lining up in more running races, and re-learning about really maxing out. Exhaustion and exhilaration of a gut busting performance. The feeling of turning myself inside out in pursuit of a maximum effort. It hurts...it's a need for speed. Those multiple 200m, 300m, 400m repeats on the athletics track are my friends, as are fartlek sessions, tempo, easy runs and the weekly long run. Stir it all up in the pot and hopefully the pudding will rise like a perfect soufflé on race day.

In contrast to my conscious thoughts, there's a whole lot of sub-conscious processing going on, where the motivations for the training, the races and the effort of it all actually reside. What is it all for? Why? My simple answer is the Melbourne Marathon in October. But that's too simple...there's more to it, isn't there? OK, OK...yes, it's routine, I get to chat with friends, I'd miss if it I didn't go, I need my "fix" of exercise, the fresh air, for self-confidence and assurance, and other reasons that change each day. But for me, even deeper down, the doing these sports are a way for me prove my identity to myself, and to understand just where I really, truly and honestly fit into the big wide world. And as sport can be a metaphor for life...so this translates into the bigger picture, also. Each little piece contributes to the whole puzzle.

Races are where the conscious and sub-conscious worlds collide. The Melbourne Marathon is on Sunday 7th October. The streets will be familiar, so will some of the faces in the race - and in the crowd. Humility tells me there'll always be people ahead of me in the race, but that doesn't matter (not!!). Training tells me the kind of pace I think/hope I can sustain. Experience tells me the last 30-40mins or so will be the hardest physical effort of the year. And there'll be a whole lot more to it than that...things I probably won't even realise. Those aspects will be the difference between a good run and a personal best. Everything in the past contributes to everything in the present and future, and that's the sum total of what I'll be running with on race day.

Of course, it's just a sporting event, a recreational pursuit, a hobby and an outlet to channel untold energy through. And of course, there's far more important things in the world to be concerned with, which as people we have varying influence upon. But just as Maverick, Goose and Iceman were striving for perfection in their environment, so will thousands of us in the marathon. Our speed is relative and we could all crash and burn - albeit with dramatically different consequences!! It's the pursuit of our personal perfection and everything it means to us in our personal environment.

But I wonder how many of us really recognise what our endeavours can really tell us about our inner selves. Sport doesn't develop character as much as it  reveals it. And that's why, for me, these types of events are far more than just a need for speed.